This past winter, I struggled with writing two chapters of my upcoming book Baby or Childfree?, due out in 2025. One chapter is about villages and communities; the other is about climate change. These topics challenge me because my expertise is individuals and families—not macro social and environmental issues. Thankfully, I found a treasure trove of great ideas in several new 2024 books that cover important topics in everyone’s childfree vs. parenthood decision-making journey. They have helped my writing, and I think they’ll inspire you, too.
Please note: I do not receive any incentives or commissions for recommending or linking to books. The links here are provided only for your convenience. Happy reading!
Fight Right
by Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman
Penguin Random House, 2024
Are you disagreeing about whether or not to have a child? Don’t panic! Constructive conflict can lead to a good decision and a closer relationship. May you find comfort in this insightful quote from Fight Right by psychologists and spouses Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD and John Gottman, PhD:
“Conflict is connection. It’s how we figure out who we are, what we want, who our partners are and who they are becoming, and what they want. It’s how we bridge our differences and find our similarities—our points of connection.”
The Gottmans have been researching how couples fight for years. If you want to learn how to achieve constructive conflict with your partner, I encourage you to read this book. It’s filled with techniques you can use to better express yourself during fights and understand your partner’s perspective. The Gottmans sometimes use examples from their own life. By doing this, they bring warmth and humor to this difficult subject.
Enjoy samples and order the book from the authors, or from Amazon, or from the publisher.
And listen to the Gottmans discuss many of their ideas, in this recent interview with Liz Moody.
The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center
by Rhaina Cohen
St. Martin’s Press, 2024
While this book features many people for whom a non-romantic close relationship is their primary relationship, it is a gift to anyone who wants to expand or fortify a “village” of people who can support you. There are two chapters in the book that are especially relevant to your own village-building. (I’ll talk more about this at the end of this article.)
This quote from Cohen’s introductory chapter states the book’s theme, but even more important, it will spark your own creative contemplation:
“This is a book about friends who have become a we despite having no scripts, no ceremonies, and precious few models to guide them towards long-term platonic commitment. These are friends who have moved together across states and continents. They’ve been their friend’s primary caregiver through organ transplants and chemotherapy. They’re co-parents, co-homeowners and executives of each other’s wills. They belong to a club that has no name or membership form, often unaware that there are others like them. They fall under the umbrella of what Eli Finkel, a psychology professor at Northwestern University, calls ‘other significant others.’ Having eschewed a more typical life setup, these friends confront hazards and make discoveries they wouldn’t have otherwise.” (pp.6-7)
Chapter 5, “Functional Families: From Friends to Co-Parents,” is an exciting read for anyone who has considered co-parenting with someone other than a romantic partner. Two friends commit to living together during one’s pregnancy, planning for the friend to be there as a birth coach. The non-mother essentially became a mother, falling in love with the child. Not only have they stayed together to raise the child, but with difficulty they were able to legally declare the so-called non-mother an official parent.
Regarding this kind of arrangement, Cohen quotes a survey in which nearly 60% of unmarried mothers said they would consider raising children with someone other than a romantic partner. Nicole Sussner Rodgers, Executive Director of the think tank that ran the survey, told the author that “our limited cultural imagination curbs the options that we as individuals, contemplate for our lives.”
This is a theme of the book: we need role models. Rodgers asserts that “You need to see somebody doing the thing that you might want to do and doing it successfully.”
The next chapter, Chapter 6, “The Long Haul: Aging and Adaptation,” offers role models of living with a close friend or a group of friends in old age, an alternative to loneliness not only for single or widowed people, but also to couples wanting wider social connections and support.
This book will be a great inspiration as you work on creating or expanding your village. The village you create might even become a role model inviting others to invent something new!
Enjoy samples and order the book from Amazon or from the publisher.
The Conceivable Future: Planning Families and Taking Action in the Age of Climate Change
by Meghan Elizabeth Kallman and Josephine Ferorelli
Rowman & Littlefield, 2024
Baby or Childfree will also include a chapter on climate change. That chapter has been challenging to write, because we don’t know what the future holds for our planet. We do know that there is so much more need for social support than our society is currently providing, and it is hard to find solutions and resources.
With that in mind, here’s a wonderful new book about considering parenthood in light of the environment.
Ten years ago, the authors founded a nonprofit organization that now shares the title of their new book. Both women longed to be mothers, but resisted their desires because of their concerns about the environment. Since then, they have been holding gatherings in people’s living rooms around the country to talk about climate change—how to deal with it and how to consider parenthood in the face of it.
The authors note that telling people not to have children to reduce the carbon footprint ignores the culpability of corporations and governments in the destruction of the environment. The authors support people’s right to have children. They encourage readers to both take action to save the environment and also to take relevant political action regardless of whether they choose to have a child or to remain childfree.
Read samples and get the book from Amazon, or learn more from the publisher.
Diverse topics, but similar themes
Even though The Other Significant Others focuses on relationships, and The Conceivable Future focuses on the environment, I am struck by the similarities in these two books.
Both books point out that the nuclear family is less prevalent than it used to be. And that rather than the so-called “good old days” being our primary way of living, it was actually a short experiment in time that failed to provide the broader support for parents and children than multi-family or multi-person households have provided throughout history and throughout the world.
These authors also point to the growing prevalence of multi-generational households, and strong family-like ties among non-blood relatives raising or nurturing children. Regardless of which decision you are leaning towards, these books deliver expert advice on how to create the home and life that is best for you.
To learn about how “village building” can help you in your future planning and decision-making, subscribe to my free, bi-monthly email newsletter for exclusive access to that and more exciting previews from my new book, Baby or Childfree?, due in 2025.
What 2024 childfree vs parenthood decision books do you like?
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Have you read any of these new 2024 books on childfree or parenthood decision-making topics? Or is there a new book that you recommend about childfree living, fertility, pregnancy, surrogacy, adoption, parenthood, single parenting, LGBQTI+ parenting, or related topics? Let me know! Email me anytime via my online contact form.
You can also share your recommendations or ideas in our private Facebook group called “The Decision Café“—or on my Instagram page, which often features new article previews and special content.
You’ll be able to find more baby decision resources and helpful posts from me and other contributors on my blog page and in my bi-monthly email newsletter. The newsletter features exclusive content that you won’t find anywhere else, including excerpts from my new forthcoming book. If you aren’t subscribed yet, stay in touch and quickly sign up here or in the pop-up box below.
Finally, if you missed my 2023 book recommendations or just want a reminder, you can see my 2023 list here.
Thanks for subscribing and following, and let’s chat soon!
– Merle Bombardieri
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