You may be reading this section because:

• You are currently involved in fertility treatment and considering whether to stop, continue, or move on to alternatives such as donor conceptions or adoption.
• You’ve been through treatment in the past, and are considering beginning again (perhaps with a new partner, or to try for a second child). You are questioning whether you both want a child (or another child) enough to go through treatment again.
• Perhaps you, like many of my readers,  have never been through fertility treatment, but you suspect that your or your partner’s age and/or medical history will make pregnancy challenging. In this case, you may want to know more about potential treatment before deciding whether to parent. Or you may be considering going straight to adoption or other alternatives without the stress and uncertainty of fertility treatment.

Let’s focus on the chapters of The Baby Decision that target your needs:

Chapter 10, “Solving Fertility Problems,” will guide you the following ways;

• Coping with the stress of trying
• Coping with a pregnancy loss
• Coping with pregnancy after infertility or a loss
• Managing your case and communicating with your treatment team as full-fledged participants
• Medical and psychological steps to take before stopping treatment

Thinking About Adoption or Alternatives Such as Donor Conceptions or Surrogacy?

The exercises in Chapter 2, “Secret Doors,” help you identify how much of your longing for a baby requires passing on your genes, versus the pleasure of raising a child. This is crucial.  If genetics are not your highest priority, you move on to less stressful or medically invasive alternatives.

You’ll also find lots of help in Chapter 11, “Adoption,” for instance:

• Guidelines for choosing adoption
• Overview of options and the home study process
• Four ground rules for pursuing adoption and pregnancy simultaneously

See The Baby Decision’s appendices for an extensive list of recommended readings and websites related to pursuing pregnancy and adoption.

Below are just a few samples.

RESOLVE, the national infertility association. Offers Information, referrals, a bounty of free fact sheets, including information on preserving your fertility, what to expect in a work-up, groups, and meetings nationwide. Also, resources for alternatives such as donor conceptions, surrogacy, and adoption.
www.resolve.org

AMERICAN SOCIETY FOR REPRODUCTIVE MEDICINE (ASRM). A national association of reproductive endocrinologists, fertility experts with advanced specialized training in fertility beyond their Obstetric-GYN specialty.
npg-asrm.org

On their consumer website, www.reproductivefacts.org you will learn about diagnosis and treatment of fertility problems and find referral information for local reproductive endocrinologists.

CREATING A FAMILY. Offers a goldmine of information on fertility and adoption, including podcasts, a blog, and great overviews of types of adoption.
www.creatingafamily.org

ADOPTION.NET Offers extensive information and referral for everyone involved in adoption.
www.adoption.net

Books And Articles

Bombardieri, Merle “Coping with the Stress of Infertility,” part of a packet on the topic available from www.resolve.org.

Domar, Alice. Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar’s Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility. New York: Viking, 2002.

Glazer, Ellen Sarasohn and Evelina Wideman Sterling. Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation. London, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2013.

Jansen, Jani R. and Elizabeth Stewart eds. Mayo Clinic Guide to Fertility and Conception. Boston: De Capo Lifelong, 2015

Lothrop, Hannah. Help, Comfort, and Hope After Losing Your Baby. Tucson, AZ: Fisher Books, 1997.  Offers deep insight, compassion, and excellent questions for self-care and communication.

Peoples, Debby and Harriette Rovner Ferguson.  Experiencing Infertility: An Essential Resource. New York: W.W. Norton,1998.  Guide to emotional coping, including positive and hopeful self-talk techniques from cognitive therapy.

Twenge, Jean. The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant: New York: The Free Press, 2012.

Adoption

Davenport, Dawn. The Complete Book of International Adoption: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Your Child. New York: Broadway Books, 2006

Falker, Elizabeth Swire. The Ultimate Insider’s Guide to Adoption: Everything You Need to Know About Domestic and International Adoption. New York: Warner, 2006.

Gray, Deborah.  Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. London and Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2012.

Hall, Beth and Gail Steinberg. Inside Transracial Adoption. Strength-Based, Culture-Sensitizing Parenting Strategies for Inter-Country or Domestic Adoptive Families That Don’t “Match.”  London: Jessica Kingsley, 2000.